Marie Antoinette may or may not have said, "Let them eat cake."
Apparently, there's some dispute over whether she did or did not, and either way, I really don't care what she had to say.

But if Louis XVI's haughty and ill-fated significant other lived in Fairfield right now, she might say "Let them eat pie." And I would wholeheartedly agree.

The traditional pie-eating contest for kids has been eliminated from today's "Independence Day Bike Parade" in the Southport section of town.
The parade is sponsored by the Pequot Library, and while I would stand and applaud any child who walks into a library and checks out a book these days, I think the new line of thinking is a bit off the Dewey Decimal System.

There's a lot of concern (justifiably) about childhood obesity. So, no more pie-eating contest.

BUT COME ON! IT'S A FOURTH OF JULY CELEBRATION. IT'S NOT JUST A SLICE OF AMERICANA...IT'S THE WHOLE DAMN PIE!!! (YES, I'M SCREAMING!)

Today, each kid will get a piece of pie...but only after burning a few calories in a sack race or hula hoop contest. Hope there are no life-threatening trans-fats in those slices of pies. Hope they're gonna wash them down with a glass of 1% milk or a caffeine-free, sugar-free soda.

Look, I'm sure the library people mean well, and believe they're doing the right thing.
I'm all for good health (I've had a good time abusing mine), and I'm all for fit kids (I was one in, oh, the first or second grade.)

But healthy habits should begin at home, not in a holiday parade.
We didn't have computers or video games to plunk our butts in front of for hours on end when I was a kid, we had a black-and-white Zenith. (That was a brand of TV when they were made in America.)

But we did have strong incentive to get outside and play. It was called a "parent." This "parent" person would just say the magic words that left no room whatsoever for debate.

"GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. NOW!!!"

It was very effective.

By the way, Happy Fourth.