Friday, June 1, 2007
REHAB: GOOD CAREER MOVE?
"You forgot to take out the garbage again."
"Sorry dear, I'll check into rehab."
NEWS ITEM: NBC 30 news anchor Gerry Brooks checked into rehab today. According to his publicist, Brooks failed to take out the garbage for the fourth time this year, and decided to get help before the problem gets out of hand.
In a statement, Brooks said: "I'm ashamed of my inability to handle garbage. I need help, and I fully intend to get it. I'll be a better Gerry Brooks for this. And maybe I'll meet some cool celebrities in there."
"Do you plan to mow the lawn sometime this month?"
"No, my sweet, I really don't. I'd better check into rehab again."
NEWS ITEM: NBC 30 news anchor Gerry Brooks is back in rehab. According to his publicist, Brooks's lawn was the embarrassment of his neighborhood, but he couldn't summon the strength to power up his mower and trim the grass. Asked why Brooks didn't hire someone to mow the lawn, the publicist shrugged, and said, "Hey, he hasn't paid me in 6 months, the cheap you-know what."
In a statement, Brooks said: "I'm ashamed of my inability to handle lawn care. I need help, and I fully intend to get it. I'll be a better Gerry Brooks for this. And maybe Billy Bush will interview my mother to uncover some deep seated issues. That Billy Bush has the best teeth in the business, you know."
"Can you pick up some milk at the store?"
"As a matter of fact, no I can't. I'm busy doing...something. Back to rehab for me!"
NEWS ITEM: NBC 30 news anchor Gerry Brooks is doing yet another stint in rehab. According to his former publicist, Brooks is a publicity-seeking sloth in search of higher ratings and someone, anyone, to fawn over him.
In a statement, Brooks said: "I'm ashamed of my inability to run errands. I need help, and I fully intend to get it. I'll be a better Gerry Brooks for this. And maybe I can be a role model for others who have this problem. Yeah, that's it. A made-for-TV movie about redemption and...well...redemption's enough. Maybe that Java lady from the newspaper will even call me."
NEWS ITEM: NBC 30 news anchor Gerry Brooks has been released from rehab after seeking help for a rehab addiction. "I don't get it," said Brooks. "It worked for Mel and Miss USA. Everybody loves Robert Downey, Jr. now, and who didn't cheer Robin Williams after his second stint? Even that kid from Waterford on "Desperate Housewives" got ink. And I'm not even gonna talk about those precious little starlets with the parents who can't shut up. No "Access Hollywood"...not even Java called. You know what I am? Bitter. Really bitter. Hey, is bitter a disease? I could be a trailblazer for bitter. Yeah, that's it. Rehab for bitter. Check me back in."
"Sorry dear, I'll check into rehab."
NEWS ITEM: NBC 30 news anchor Gerry Brooks checked into rehab today. According to his publicist, Brooks failed to take out the garbage for the fourth time this year, and decided to get help before the problem gets out of hand.
In a statement, Brooks said: "I'm ashamed of my inability to handle garbage. I need help, and I fully intend to get it. I'll be a better Gerry Brooks for this. And maybe I'll meet some cool celebrities in there."
"Do you plan to mow the lawn sometime this month?"
"No, my sweet, I really don't. I'd better check into rehab again."
NEWS ITEM: NBC 30 news anchor Gerry Brooks is back in rehab. According to his publicist, Brooks's lawn was the embarrassment of his neighborhood, but he couldn't summon the strength to power up his mower and trim the grass. Asked why Brooks didn't hire someone to mow the lawn, the publicist shrugged, and said, "Hey, he hasn't paid me in 6 months, the cheap you-know what."
In a statement, Brooks said: "I'm ashamed of my inability to handle lawn care. I need help, and I fully intend to get it. I'll be a better Gerry Brooks for this. And maybe Billy Bush will interview my mother to uncover some deep seated issues. That Billy Bush has the best teeth in the business, you know."
"Can you pick up some milk at the store?"
"As a matter of fact, no I can't. I'm busy doing...something. Back to rehab for me!"
NEWS ITEM: NBC 30 news anchor Gerry Brooks is doing yet another stint in rehab. According to his former publicist, Brooks is a publicity-seeking sloth in search of higher ratings and someone, anyone, to fawn over him.
In a statement, Brooks said: "I'm ashamed of my inability to run errands. I need help, and I fully intend to get it. I'll be a better Gerry Brooks for this. And maybe I can be a role model for others who have this problem. Yeah, that's it. A made-for-TV movie about redemption and...well...redemption's enough. Maybe that Java lady from the newspaper will even call me."
NEWS ITEM: NBC 30 news anchor Gerry Brooks has been released from rehab after seeking help for a rehab addiction. "I don't get it," said Brooks. "It worked for Mel and Miss USA. Everybody loves Robert Downey, Jr. now, and who didn't cheer Robin Williams after his second stint? Even that kid from Waterford on "Desperate Housewives" got ink. And I'm not even gonna talk about those precious little starlets with the parents who can't shut up. No "Access Hollywood"...not even Java called. You know what I am? Bitter. Really bitter. Hey, is bitter a disease? I could be a trailblazer for bitter. Yeah, that's it. Rehab for bitter. Check me back in."
Posted at 1:43 AM by Gerry
3 Comments:
We wish him well. Our prayers go right along with those wishes. So tragic!
Have a great weekend Gerry, and I hope the Sox can take 2 of 3....tonight's Wakey start scares me, because they've been hitting him in his last 7 starts. Nice to see your mug on the news last night, too. A face only a Mom would love? There are so many more of us who do. Hi to Lisa!
Gerry,
Re: Rehab, the problem is you're not a sniveling, spoiled , and fawned over brat (well, spoiled and fawned over anyway). Maybe instead of rehab a good smack would go a long way. #2
Hey Anon...
I think I sniveled better with the 'stache.
And a good smack has always gone a long way.
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